Like massive, foresty beards, craft beer is now a thing. And we're sure you've deal with plenty of those beer snobs who turn up their nose when you order your Budweiser Platinum or your Coors Light. And yeah, that's annoying, and it makes you want to punch them right in their smug, bearded faces.
But look, they're right. You can't be slamming home Coors when you're trying to look sophisticated. And you can't celebrate winning a huge poker tournament with crap beer. You just can't. It's bad form, and it makes you a bad American.
So today, we're giving you a list of five awesome craft beers that you can celebrate your wins with. All of these come in cans, because cans are the preferred delivery system for beer. And also, cans are great because you can pretend you are just like Stone Cold Steve Austin. You can't do that with old glass bottles without risking death.
Let's get started.
Heady Topper: This is the number one rated beer in the entire world on BeerAdvocate, the nerd website for beer nerds. Which means it's harder to find than the other beers on this list. But if you find it, well, be prepared to drink an amazing beer. Brewed by The Alchemist brewing company in Vermont, Heady Topper is the absolute best American double/imperial IPA in the world. It clocks in at 8% ABV, which means you won't get so hammered celebrating your poker victory that you forget to do essential things, like sleep.
Ballast Point Sculpin IPA: If you prefer the hops but can't find Heady Topper, this San Diego-based beer is the way to go. It has won plenty of awards, it tastes fantastic, and most importantly, you can find it at just about every store you walk into.
Oskar Blues Ten Fidy: We get it. Some of you prefer dark beers. We're right there with you. So we included this fantastic stout on the list. Oskar Blues brewing was the first major craft company to start canning beers, so it's only right that we include their signature stout here. As the name suggests, this bad boy is 10.% ABV, so you'll want to be careful about how many of these you slam home.
Surly Hell: Surly makes tallboy cans, which are awesome because they give you more beer. If a good American lager is more your style, then Surly's Hell will be right up your alley. It's only 4.5% abv, so you can drink a lot more of these than the rest of the beers on this list. At least you think so, until you suddenly find yourself trudging slovenly through Circus Circus, wondering where your shirt and pride went. True story, by the way.
Wasatch Ghostrider: This is a white IPA. We'll be honest and tell you that we have no idea what that means. But we can tell you that Ghostrider is easily obtained at most grocery and liquor stores, and it's light and delicious. It's really the perfect summer beer. This is the one you'll want to grab when you decide to celebrate outdoors. We also think it has restorative and hydrating properties, but please don't quote us on that.
What do you think?